Signs of Baggage in Your
Date
On a first date, you want to get to know the real them before committing more
time and effort into the relationship right? This can be a problem as people
hide their real-selves and put on a show of their best side. So to help you see
through any baggage they may be hiding, here are some tips on things to look
for.
Commitment phobia
If you can get a sense of their longest lasting
relationship, of how frequent their relationships are and last, it can help you
spot any commitment related baggage. Having a lot of short-termed relationships
can mean they have commitment issues, or that they are hard to get along
with.
Defensive walls
Whether it's through their body language, or their short
answers, these can be a sign of having intimacy or trust issues. They most
likely got into a relationship before they properly healed from the last one,
and may have difficulty giving you the intimacy you desire.
Unexplained conversations on the telephone
It's not uncommon that a phone
call or two will happen throughout your date. If your date has phone
conversations that they don’t clarify to you, especially when it’s your time
together that’s being interrupted, it can be a sign that something else is going
on.
time and effort into the relationship right? This can be a problem as people
hide their real-selves and put on a show of their best side. So to help you see
through any baggage they may be hiding, here are some tips on things to look
for.
Commitment phobia
If you can get a sense of their longest lasting
relationship, of how frequent their relationships are and last, it can help you
spot any commitment related baggage. Having a lot of short-termed relationships
can mean they have commitment issues, or that they are hard to get along
with.
Defensive walls
Whether it's through their body language, or their short
answers, these can be a sign of having intimacy or trust issues. They most
likely got into a relationship before they properly healed from the last one,
and may have difficulty giving you the intimacy you desire.
Unexplained conversations on the telephone
It's not uncommon that a phone
call or two will happen throughout your date. If your date has phone
conversations that they don’t clarify to you, especially when it’s your time
together that’s being interrupted, it can be a sign that something else is going
on.
Bring up their feelings
Bring up the question, “how did that make you
feel”? In conversations. If someone never opens up about their emotions or
always give answers that are completely detached from any emotions, it can be a
sign that they are cold, distant, or emotionally unavailable.
Doesn't talk about their past
If their past never comes up, it can be a
sign that they're hiding something from you, or they have some sort of hidden
baggage. You can try talking about your past and how it's made you the person
you are today in order to get the conversation rolling. See if they contribute
with their story.
Doesn't want you to meet their friends
It can be out of a fear that they
may blurt something out that your date doesn't want you to know about or it may
be that they don't see a long-term relationship with you.
Bring up the question, “how did that make you
feel”? In conversations. If someone never opens up about their emotions or
always give answers that are completely detached from any emotions, it can be a
sign that they are cold, distant, or emotionally unavailable.
Doesn't talk about their past
If their past never comes up, it can be a
sign that they're hiding something from you, or they have some sort of hidden
baggage. You can try talking about your past and how it's made you the person
you are today in order to get the conversation rolling. See if they contribute
with their story.
Doesn't want you to meet their friends
It can be out of a fear that they
may blurt something out that your date doesn't want you to know about or it may
be that they don't see a long-term relationship with you.
Doesn’t have many long-term friends
A sign to watch for is if they don’t
have many long-term friendships or if they are rather distant from the people
that they do know. This can mean that they don’t know how to get along with
people, which is why their friendships don’t last.
Asking the right questions
You can probe and poke at the right questions
casually to see if any baggage behavior is aroused. Get into topics of finances,
chores, sex, or their current relationship with their exes. The key is to make
it appear natural that it came up in conversation. If they haven’t forgiven
their last ex, it’s a sign that previous offenses can be put onto current
relationships.
Baiting them in the right direction
Spotting baggage can be aided by
asking the right questions. Say for example you want to find out about their
money, asking the right questions and bringing up the right topics can give away
their side of the story if they aren't careful. Just don't be too obvious with
your plans. You can try bringing up the discussion about yourself first; see if
they will follow in.
How they treat others
Where they may be polite and a gentleman with you,
it could be just a show. Watch how they care for other people or see if they are
rude to the waiter. This is a clear sign that the way they care for you is just
a show they put on and will only last throughout the beginning phases of a
relationship.
A sign to watch for is if they don’t
have many long-term friendships or if they are rather distant from the people
that they do know. This can mean that they don’t know how to get along with
people, which is why their friendships don’t last.
Asking the right questions
You can probe and poke at the right questions
casually to see if any baggage behavior is aroused. Get into topics of finances,
chores, sex, or their current relationship with their exes. The key is to make
it appear natural that it came up in conversation. If they haven’t forgiven
their last ex, it’s a sign that previous offenses can be put onto current
relationships.
Baiting them in the right direction
Spotting baggage can be aided by
asking the right questions. Say for example you want to find out about their
money, asking the right questions and bringing up the right topics can give away
their side of the story if they aren't careful. Just don't be too obvious with
your plans. You can try bringing up the discussion about yourself first; see if
they will follow in.
How they treat others
Where they may be polite and a gentleman with you,
it could be just a show. Watch how they care for other people or see if they are
rude to the waiter. This is a clear sign that the way they care for you is just
a show they put on and will only last throughout the beginning phases of a
relationship.
Their friends
If during the conversation you can get the names of their
friends, it can be useful to you. Where someone may be careful to watch their
Facebook profile carefully, their buddies may not care so much. Checking out a
friend of your date’s Facebook profile can sometimes be more helpful than the
date himself.
Listen to the Hints they Drop
If an odd comment comes up or something
that's a little offending that they don't seem to catch, test it out by going
along with it as if you're ok with it. See if they dig a deeper hole for
themselves with it.
Getting too easily offended
Getting too easily offended is a sign that
they haven’t dealt with some sort of issue in a previous relationship. If their
mood alters or they become overly defensive about a topic, try to recall the
last statement you made or perhaps the way it was said. If you can, you can
perhaps pinpoint the issue that they are dealing with.
Watch their Body Language
Body language is a very good way to learn more
about a person. Often, it will give you a glance at the person on the inside
without having them need to say anything. If someone seems to make a lot of slow
and unsure movements, this can be a sign that they have a low self-esteem. If a
person seems shifty or nervous, more than just the jitters about being on a
first date, this is a definite sign that they have something to hide. If they
have trouble maintaining a discussion and give you speedy one sentenced answers,
it can mean they are distant and unloving. Where a person may just be nervous on
their date, watch out for recurring and regular behavior.
With some practice, you'll be able to spot all kinds of baggage on a date
that will tip you off that the person you're with may not be worth your time.
Regardless, remember to have a good time of your first few dates even if it
doesn't work out in the long run.
More Interesting Articles about Dating and Relationships:
How to get men
How can I find love
Dating don'ts
If during the conversation you can get the names of their
friends, it can be useful to you. Where someone may be careful to watch their
Facebook profile carefully, their buddies may not care so much. Checking out a
friend of your date’s Facebook profile can sometimes be more helpful than the
date himself.
Listen to the Hints they Drop
If an odd comment comes up or something
that's a little offending that they don't seem to catch, test it out by going
along with it as if you're ok with it. See if they dig a deeper hole for
themselves with it.
Getting too easily offended
Getting too easily offended is a sign that
they haven’t dealt with some sort of issue in a previous relationship. If their
mood alters or they become overly defensive about a topic, try to recall the
last statement you made or perhaps the way it was said. If you can, you can
perhaps pinpoint the issue that they are dealing with.
Watch their Body Language
Body language is a very good way to learn more
about a person. Often, it will give you a glance at the person on the inside
without having them need to say anything. If someone seems to make a lot of slow
and unsure movements, this can be a sign that they have a low self-esteem. If a
person seems shifty or nervous, more than just the jitters about being on a
first date, this is a definite sign that they have something to hide. If they
have trouble maintaining a discussion and give you speedy one sentenced answers,
it can mean they are distant and unloving. Where a person may just be nervous on
their date, watch out for recurring and regular behavior.
With some practice, you'll be able to spot all kinds of baggage on a date
that will tip you off that the person you're with may not be worth your time.
Regardless, remember to have a good time of your first few dates even if it
doesn't work out in the long run.
More Interesting Articles about Dating and Relationships:
How to get men
How can I find love
Dating don'ts